Tears in the Throne Room

I don’t often have words for all that I feel. It can take music, poetry, allegory, story, and powerful visuals for me to come to a place of understanding of my emotions. Case in point, singing allows me a separate way to express what I feel toward something or someone

– worship, therefore, is a very essential part of my ever-growing relationship with Jesus. It is one of the purest ways I can express my gratitude, my love, my despair, my pain, or my joys. Consequently, song and music is also a powerful way that the Lord speaks to me. But that’s a story for another day.

A few years ago, I was processing through the problem of the hour and was in some distress. This day, I was worshiping along with my church family – I don’t remember the song we were singing together, but I remember that I had my hands raised towards the heavens, and my eyes closed. I opened my mouth to sing, but all that came tumbling out were somewhat rhythmic gasps, tears, and groans. At some interval, I saw a hand come out of the heavens, gently take mine and lead me to a great hall. Breath-taking. At the top of the hall I saw a great throne and a soft Voice said, “When you cry out, you enter into My Throne Room.” Needless to say, when the Lover of my Soul speaks directly to me, I come undone. I cried several old and new tears that day. Knowing that I was in His Presence helped alleviate much of what was on my mind.

Now, the Lord knows I am a perpetual Isrealite and I forget His Power and Presence. But, in His Grace and in my weakness He knows to prompt and remind me.

Years later, I was processing through a different season of healing and reconciliation. Around this time, my sister and I watched the movie, Thor. It is essentially a very simple story of Love, Jealousy, and a lesson learned in Leadership told with much Shakespearean flair. I could go on, but, let me share why I’m bringing it up. At the beginning of the film, Thor enters the great golden Asgardian Throne Room (pictured here), to be crowned the next king in the presence of his father, the great king, Odin. Almost as soon as I saw the scene, my eyes, my mind, and my heart arrested me – I knew what I had to do. I was reminded to cry out in my situation so I could enter into the Throne Room of Grace. Ofcourse, we finished the film, but I didn’t forget that I had a task at hand. That reminder led to great revelation, healing, and spiritual growth.

So, cut to last week, when my heart was yet full of things I had no words to express. I was worshiping in the solace of my room, and I was prompted to read Psalm 18 (MSG). The following verse popped right off the page,

I call to God,
I cry to God to help me.
From his palace he hears my call;
my cry brings me right into his presence—
a private audience!

Severely, Hauntingly, Undone.

As if that reminder wasn’t enough, just days later, this Sunday, my pastor preached on being Awake to Dream with the Heavens! Through scripture, we went into the Throne Room and took a look around (Isaiah 6) at the power of being in there.

Undone. Yet Again.

No matter how short I fall, how much I forget, how much I don’t have language for what I experience, I can always enter into the Throne Room and be once again united with the One who Loves me perfectly, wonderfully, personally, and wholly. The One who sings Songs of Deliverance, Rescue, Hope, Forgiveness and Love over me. He puts me back together and makes sense of it all.

If there is something essential to your growth and relationship with Him, He will continually remind you.

Will you let Him?