I gave someone a hearty encouragement recently and it was not received. I got a shruggy “I Guess” for my words. It made me feel like I had said something insulting – it ricocheted off and hit me hard. I watched, as this person slowly retreated into a place of darkness by rejecting the encouragement. I went home puzzled.
I had to unravel how I felt when I had a moment. Consulting with the Lord on it, He comforted me and reminded me that the reaction wasn’t about me, but about Insecurities that the person was struggling with. I did three things right after that:
- I prayed that the enemy would stop hounding this person.
- I accounted exactly how it had made me feel then and then weaved it together with other similar interactions I’ve had.
- I decided that I would express it so that it may help someone.
So here we are talking about it. This isn’t written to shame or guilt anyone, but, to give language and empower and to connect us back to our futures. Here’s what I’ve learned about Insecurity and it’s effects:
- It is a spiritual problem.
- Like any other wile of the enemy, it keeps you trapped.
- It renders void anyone else’s words. It silences their authority.
- It is EXTREMELY defensive.
- People in relationship with you will constantly feel like they’ve done something wrong even if they are not.
- It makes them feel like they have to apologize.
- It cannot compliment someone else.
- If it does compliment you, you’ll feel like you need to apologize.
- Here’s what it somewhat sounds like when you engage it:
“I guess”, “I don’t know”, “maybe i’m just not there yet”, “obviously you’re better than me”
- It renders your own words void.
- It LOVES attention. It likes to advertise. No matter where a conversation goes, it always comes back to you.
- It makes the black hole of Self-Pity and Control your best friend.
- It infects your heart with mistrust and cynicism.
- It ruins your relationships because it makes people invisible to you – because you are only thinking of yourself.
- It keeps you far from God.
- It cuts you off from your future.
- It keeps other’s far from God and can cut them off from their future.
Now, if you are Insecure in any particular areas, as I am, there is Hope. Recognize it and take action. Confess it. Ask the Safe People in your life for their thoughts and help. Pour major doses of Grace and Health on it till it is eliminated.
Please DON’T celebrate your insecurities (notice I didn’t say impediments, which are things that don’t have an obvious solution). Don’t make it a flashing necklace that you wear around your neck. It is REALLY VERY UNATTRACTIVE.
It’s downright UGLY and dare I say, Irritating. (SIDE NOTE: I always daresay because that’s what Love would do.)
If you have an important relationship in your life that struggles from the effects of this, figure out a healthy way to talk about it’s effects on you – you will get the defenses up right away but push through and give them time to process it and pray while you wait. I have Hope that things can change when you confront what hurts and face it head on.
As for that person I tried to encourage, I am still praying. At an opportune moment I will have a conversation and confront and love and strengthen our relationship. And I have Hope that it will improve and there will be Freedom.
**While I was writing this, I was reminded of a moment recently when someone gave me a specific compliment, and I wasn’t able to receive it. In fact, I dismissed it and it made me retreat as well. I will talk to this safe person and let them know how I felt and it will open up a healthy dialogue and in Hope I can finally be freed of this area of insecurity.